


Prince Albert In A Can

by Dollie_la_Cruz



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Bad Jokes, Blow Jobs, Clothed Sex, Cunnilingus, Dick Jokes, Dinner, Dirty Jokes, F/M, Genital Piercing, Light Dom/sub, Little Black Dress, POV Female Character, Penis In Vagina Sex, Piercings, Sex Talk, Spanking, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:35:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24920908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dollie_la_Cruz/pseuds/Dollie_la_Cruz
Summary: "It was a brand of pipe tobacco. Kids would call up these convenience stores and ask if they had 'Prince Albert in a can' for fun." You explained, unable to keep from grinning."Oh, really? And what was the punchline?" The Prince asked, his full attention set on you."Then let him out!" You delivered, breaking into a fit of giggles and causing Lucifer to roll his eyes."Really, Y/N, I expected more from you." He said."Indeed. I expected something a little steamier, considering."Lucifer began to choke.OrYour dinner attire prompts some interesting discussion with the Demon Prince, which leads to even more interesting revelations about his personal life. You just hope you can keep up.
Relationships: Diavolo/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 107





	Prince Albert In A Can

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, I'm not sorry. Look at Diavolo and tell me he's not the type of demon to get his dick pierced.  
> Also, I know this joke is as old as the goddamn telephone, but  
> I had to. I don't know how this ended up so ass blastingly long, but hopefully, it doesn't put you off.  
> Guided listening recommendations include:  
> Come & Get It by Selena Gomez  
> Sex & Candy by Marcy Playground  
> Hold It Against Me by Britney Spears

_**I**_ t was just dinner, you reminded yourself as Lucifer led you up the steps towards The Demon Lord's Castle. You were nervous, though. You couldn't help it. You'd been nervous since Lucifer had announced at breakfast that Diavolo had formally invited you to dinner, to check in on your progress and such. 

It was that nervousness that had led you to Asmo, practically begging for him to give you an acceptable outfit to wear. This resulted in you strutting up to the front door in a heartstoppingly low cut little black dress that barely covered your ass and heels high enough to put you at direct eye level with Lucifer. The finishing touch was the new piercings in your ears. You'd always had a few, but the ones now lining the shell of your ear were particularly eye-catching.

To top it all off, Asmo had expressly forbidden you from wearing panties, stating 'nothing is a deadlier outfit killer than a panty line, darling.' He'd convinced you to go with it though, by blowing just enough smoke up your ass to give you the kind of maneater confidence you'd only dreamed of having before that night. 

"Do I look OK?" You turned to Lucifer, worried.

"Y/N, it is no secret that I have a fondness for your charming tenacity - but if you ask me that once more, I will throw you in the closest body of water." He said, slamming the knocker on the door three times. You exhaled and crossed your arms in front of yourself. _Just relax_ you thought, trying to calm your hammering heart. 

Barbatos' stoic demeanour put you at slight ease since he didn't even bat an eyelash at your skimpy outfit.

"Lucifer, Y/N. The Prince is expecting you." The butler nodded and opened the door to allow you inside. You followed Lucifer, trying not to be intimidated by the castle's grandeur. You'd been here with the others on a retreat, but opulence on this level was always a little overwhelming. 

At the top of the foyer stairs stood the demon prince himself, Lord Diavolo, waiting to greet you in surprisingly casual attire. Or as casual as a suit could be. 

"Lucifer, Y/N, I'm pleased you accepted my invitation." He said good-naturedly, smiling as he came down to greet you. It seemed fitting, seeing as he had seemingly come down from on high to mingle with the lesser folk. But you know he did not see it in that light. Diavolo, though aware of his position in his kingdom, did not view you or the RAD students as beneath him.

He wasn't friends with everyone, not by any stretch of the imagination. He just had a tendency to treat everyone like equals most of the time. You liked that about him. 

He gratefully took Lucifer's hand and shook it, before turning to you.

"If I may say, you look divine tonight, Y/N." His compliment brought pink to your cheeks.

"My lord is too kind." You answer, smiling. 

"Please, follow me. I'll escort you to the dining room." Diavolo grinned, placing a hand on the small of your back to guide you.

_Damn you, Asmo._ You thought, silently hoping the demon prince didn't notice you'd shown up to this formal dinner entirely commando. If he had figured it out, he made no indication, instead gleefully guiding you up the stairs.

In your heels, you nearly matched his height. It was a strange thought to imagine since normally he had a few feet on you and you'd always had to look up at him, instead of directly in the eyes. Seeing his face on this level felt different, more intimate somehow. Like he was now able to peer into your soul and parse out your deepest desires. 

Hopefully, that wasn't the case. The last thing he'd need to know was your weird pirate fantasy. He had that air of a shirtless captain sailing the high seas with fair maiden with no care for the superstition and . . .

_Get it together, Y/N!_ You snapped yourself back to reality as he pulled out your chair for you.

"Thank you, my lord." The dining room chair was much more comfortable than you had imagined. It was as though it perfectly formed to the curvature of your ass for your precise comfort needs. 

"I'm glad you both could join me. I've been meaning to check in with you about the progress of the exchange program." He began, setting his napkin in his lap. "Barbatos will have dinner served in a moment. In the meantime, Y/N, wh don't you tell us how you've been enjoying our hospitality in the Devildom?" Diavolo asked, training his eyes on you.

"Truthfully speaking, I'm not sure that I want to go back to the human world. Lucifer and his brothers are family to me now and it's going to be hard to leave when the time comes." Across the table, Lucifer gave a bashful smile.

"I didn't anticipate my brothers becoming so fond of our little human, but it seems she's changed them for the better."

"I dare say even you, Lucifer," Diavolo said with a smile, causing Lucifer to nod. 

"That's probably true, my lord."

"Dinner is ready, my lord," Barbatos announced as he pushed a cart into the dining room. "To start, we have Kraken legs with a calor pepper sauce - substituted with a sweet pepper salsa for our mortal guest so as not to cause irrevocable harm, paired with sourdough breadsticks and a devilclam soup."

"What are calor peppers?" You asked as Barbatos began to serve the food.

"I'm surprised Beelzebub hasn't mentioned them - they're one of his favourites. The hottest pepper in the human world is Pepper X, correct? Compared to calor peppers, Pepper X tastes like a bell pepper." Lucifer explained. You nodded, thankful you had been spared such a fate but also disappointed to miss out on the flavour. 

"That is the most daring combination of warning and cock-tease I've ever heard in my life and I spent the morning with Asmodeus." You said, gingerly dipping a Kraken leg into your salsa. 

"I don't think it's appropriate to use the phrase 'cock-tease' in front of the prince, Y/N." Lucifer admonished, shaking his head at you.

"Please, Lucifer - I'm not a child. And even so, we are demons. Humanity's prudeness regarding intimacy is not our way." Diavolo chuckled, taking a sip of wine. 

"Well, attitudes are changing up there. Women's rights, civil equality, #MeToo." You added, taking a breadstick for yourself. "We're making a great deal of progress, but . . . You can only expect so much at once." Lucifer gave a small nod.

"Humanity has always been resistant to change." He agreed. 

"Hence the reason I thought an exchange program would be the best course of action," Diavolo said.

"If I may be so bold, I think it was a success, at least on my end. I've been entirely endeared to your goal and the Devildom as a whole." It was the truth, after all, and you were proud to have been able to help him achieve his dream in any capacity.

"It's kind of you to say that, Y/N. I appreciate your openness to us." The prince seemed sincere and you liked that.

Once you had finished up the appetizers, the main course was served.

"A selection of lamb chops in a red wine reduction, a side of deviled harpy eggs and a fava bean hummus." 

"How very Hannibal." You chuckled, rubbing your palms together in anticipation. 

"So, Y/N, are earrings new?" Diavolo asked, glancing over at you.

"Asmodeus took me to the tattoo parlour this morning. He thought it would be fun."

"And was it?"

"I would say so." You smiled.

"Maybe I'll get a piercing for myself." Diavolo mused.

"My lord, please don't take this the wrong way, I'm not sure that's a good idea." Lucifer impressed, but the demon prince was already lost in thought.

"Perhaps I'll get a Prince Albert." You could not stop the explosion of giggling that erupted from your lips. That was unexpected, to say the least.

"Y/N, you shouldn't laugh at Lord Diavolo," Lucifer said, eyeing you with disappointment.

"I'm sure she'd be happy to share what she finds so humourous.

"It's a human thing, please forgive me." You insisted.

"It's quite alright. "

"It's something of an old joke in the human world."

"I'd be delighted to hear it." _Was that a challenge?_

"It was a brand of pipe tobacco. Kids would call up these convenience stores and ask if they had 'Prince Albert in a can' for fun." You explained, unable to keep from grinning.

"Oh, really? And what was the punchline?" The Prince asked, his full attention set on you.

"Then let him out!" You delivered, breaking into a fit of giggles and causing Lucifer to roll his eyes.

"Really, Y/N, I expected more from you." He said.

"Indeed. I expected something a little steamier, considering."

Lucifer began to choke.

"Lucifer, chewing isn't an optional part of eating!" You teased, taking a sip of your wine.

"Your ability to create humour in non-humorous situations is rivalled only by Mammon himself," Lucifer replied, rolling his eyes.

"At least she's not nearly as annoying."

"I am choosing to take that as a compliment."

After dessert, you and Lucifer were preparing to leave. At the top of the staircase, Diavolo turned to Lucifer.

"I wonder if I might steal Y/N away from you a little longer?"

"That's no trouble, my lord." You bit your lip with uncertainty. Was Diavolo meaning to check in with you privately? Maybe he wanted to make sure you weren't withholding anything on Lucifer's behalf. Admittedly, the eldest brother could be a formidable presence, but he was like a brother to you. You'd seen a softer side of the Morningstar, a vulnerability he rarely let creep out. 

"Shall we? Diavolo asked once Lucifer had left. You nodded.

His hand once against rested on the small of your back and you could hear your heart thumping in your ears.

_Of course, he fucking knew_. He was the prince and a demon too. How had you thought he wouldn't notice you'd shown up without undergarments? He led you up to his office, his gentle touch seeming to pull you there.

Your heart sped up when he closed the door behind you. You could hear the blood pumping in your ears as he guided you to his desk.

"Please, sit." You obeyed without hesitation, taking care to cross your legs. He stood behind the desk, suddenly unsure of himself and trying to disguise it by fiddling with his pen.

"Do you know why I asked you in here?" 

_Oh captain, my captain_. You tried not to smile at the thought. You could almost hear Lucifer saying

'We don't have such thoughts about Lord Diavolo!'

"I'm sure I don't know."

"I mean, you're the last person I expect this kind of behaviour from, even knowing how you spent your day. But Asmodeus does have a knack for making people feel **bolder** than usual." Diavolo sat down, staring across the desk from you in quiet contemplation. An uncomfortable silence fell between you and you turned away to hide the rose dusting over your cheeks.

"That he does." You agreed, swallowing softly. "Am I in trouble?" You asked.

You had seen Diavolo get angry before, but his wrath had never solely been directed at you and you weren't sure that this time would be as sexy as when you released Belphegor. 

"Well, that depends on your view of the situation." He responded, raising an eyebrow. "And what your intentions were."

"I see."

"Did you think you could tease me? Strutting into my castle in that dress, practically naked." Your face burned hot and you couldn't meet his eyes.

"I'm sorry if I upset you, I just - "

"I don't know if you're brazen or foolish to think you could mess around with demons." He said, eyes appraising you. 

"Maybe a little of both." The words left your mouth before you could top them. He gave a smirk.

"Do you want to fuck me, Y/N?" The question was bold and blunt but delivered with causality you could not muster in a million years.

_Oh god, more than anything._ You would definitely not say that out loud.

"Please allow me to be clear about this - if you refuse, I will not pursue you. I won't hurt you and I won't seek retribution on you for it. We'll pretend this conversation never happened. I won't make you do anything you're not interested in doing." He explained.

"And what of the things I want to do?" God damn, you were feeling ballsy. As if to accentuate your point, you uncrossed your legs, giving him the faintest peek of what was on the table.

"I'm more than capable of giving them to you." He rose to his feet and for the first time, you could see the bulge straining against his pants. 

At that moment, reality crashed down on you. And you loved it.

"On your feet." He said.

"Yes, sir." You answered, pushing yourself out of the chair.

"Bend over the desk." His tone was commanding and it made you slick with desire. You did as he ordered, shaking your ass a little to tease him.

"Just gonna take me right here?" You asked, glancing back at him.

"Without punishing you first? No." He said, and you smirked slightly as you felt him tug your dress up. You perked your ass in the air and giggled.

"Behave yourself." He growled, spanking your left ass cheek hard. You moaned softly, clawing at the wood beneath you.

"And if I don't?" Your answer was another hard spank, surging you forward and causing you to moan again. 

"I think we both know the answer to that." Oh, did you ever. It was on the stuff of your naughtiest daydreams. The kind of thing you masturbated to at night when you were cold, lonely and couldn't sleep. 

You were jerked back to reality by the door opening. You glanced at Barbatos in the doorway, who had the same stoic demeanour as ever. It was almost as though you weren't there.

Diavolo slapped your ass, jolting you out of shock.

"Don't look at him."

"Yes, sir." You said, glancing away.

"Pardon the interruption, my lord, but I wondered if you wanted me to prepare one of the guest rooms for miss Y/N?" Barbatos asked.

"That won't be necessary. She'll stay with me tonight." The prince said, his cool fingers tracing over the emerging redness on your ass. "Is that all, Barbatos?"

"Yes, my lord." Once you heard the door close, you felt Diavolo's fingers gently press against your exposed sex, causing you to moan again. 

"Hopefully, Barbatos hasn't spoiled your mood." You said nothing, instead, pushing yourself back onto his fingers with a soft whine.

"Impatient, I see." He slapped your ass hard, forcing a gasp out of you. "Relax, Y/N. All in due time."

"It's kind of hard to do that in this position." You giggled, crossing your arms beneath you. 

"Is that so?" His fingers suddenly began to pump into you, ripping a loud moan from your lips. You bounced slightly, your excitement evident in your motions. His fingers were softer and smoother than you expected.

"Don't stop!" You whimpered breathlessly. You heard him chuckle behind you, his fingers jerking into your pussy roughly. His rough pace making your hips roll around with pleasure.

"You like that, Y/N? You like my fingers being inside of you? I'd never have guessed you were so _naughty_." Diavolo teased, twisting and turning his fingers inside of you to fill you at different angles.

"I do! I am!" You clawed at his desk, your fingernails leaving crescent-shaped imprints in the wood beneath you. He spanked your ass hard, a soft squeal leaving your lips. 

"Is this what you wanted?" He asked. You merely moaned in response.

Diavolo suddenly slid his fingers out, leaving you empty and whining.

"Wha -" You were cut off by his tongue digging into your folds, pulling a moan from you and causing your toes to curl in pleasure. You hadn't expected that. "My Lord," your knees were beginning to buckle beneath you.

He spanked your ass and growled, "Use my name."

"Diavolo!" You cried, pushing yourself further onto the desk. His strong hands steadied you as his mouth gluttonously licked and sucked your clit. Your buckling knees made you sway under his grasp. 

He seemed to notice this, as suddenly he lifted your legs up on the desk and gently massaged your thighs.

"Is that better, Y/N?" He asked, his breath ghosting over your slit. 

"Much." You replied, whining out a moan as he resumed his work on your clit. You were quickly peaking, and as you unravelled in his mouth, he released your clit. You rolled around to face him, face bright red with excitement. 

You sat up slowly and he pulled you close, hurriedly pressing his lips to yours in a feverish kiss. God, how long had you been waiting for that? You kissed down his jawline, almost worshipping his features. You were sure he would love that thought.

His erection pressed against your core; strained through his pants and desperate for some attention. The thought that you had such an effect on him was unexpected, but not unwelcome. You reached down to massage him through his pants and gave him a smirk.

"Found something you like?" Diavolo teased, moving to kiss your neck. You could feel him leaving little lovebites you'd probably have to get Asmo to cover later, but right now you didn't care.

"Yes. I like it so much I want to taste it." You replied, dragging his zipper down slowly. 

"Is this so?" He whispered, breath grazing over your ear. You'd thought about his dick before - you'd be lying if you said otherwise - but you'd never thought of it in the context of it being in your mouth. Now that it was a possibility, though, you wondered what it would taste like.

It took a bit to muster up the courage, but finally, you slid down in front of him. You deftly unbuttoned his pants and tugged them down with his boxers in a single movement. You were surprised by the size of his shaft, but as surprised as you were by the small silver ring protruding from the tip.

God damn, he really did have a Prince Albert. You lingered for a moment, shock crossing your face. 

When you imagined how it would feel inside of you, however, your hesitation faded and you gently took the tip between your lips. The piercing felt a little odd in your mouth, but not in a bad way. The ring was not very large by any means, so it didn't impede you in any way. 

You sucked softly, gently rolling your tongue over the head. Not even in your naughtiest daydreams did you ever imagine being in such a position with Diavolo. 

His fingers ran through your hair, carefully guiding you along his length. You gagged slightly and he released, pulling back slightly in concern.

"Are you -" A strangled moan escaped his lips as you took him down into your throat. You were rather pleased with the reaction it garnered. 

You bobbed your head slowly at first, winding back down to the tip before releasing it with a soft pop. You met his eyes, your tongue licking a strip down to his balls. 

"You're pleased with yourself, aren't you, Y/N?" He teased. You merely smirked, resuming your movements. He groaned softly, fingers massaging your scalp. You continued bobbing your head, a hand gently grasping at the base of his cock to steady yourself. You could feel the small ring poking at the back of your throat, tickling slightly. 

He was carefully stroking your hair, less hurried and more gentle. You were a little surprised by how affectionate he was being. Sure, you knew Diavolo was not a very rough person to begin with - Distantly emotional, but never really _cold_ so to speak. 

You continued to bob your head along, enjoying the noises he was making because of it. 

Soon he was lifting you to your feet slowly, meeting your eyes.

"Y/N, would you like to continue this?" Diavolo asked softly.

"Yes, please."

"I'm glad. But allow me to reiterate what I said earlier - if you change your mind, or don't want to do something, I won't force you." You pressed a kiss to his lips, pressing yourself against him.

"I want this, Diavolo. I want _you. I've_ wanted this from the first moment we met." You whispered. 

"I worried you would not return my feelings, knowing what you know about me. What you've seen."

"I know that you want to do what's right for the Devildom and you want to be the best version of yourself you can be. I know you're going to be a great ruler." You assured him.

The move from his office to his bedroom was a blur. One moment you were standing upright and the next you were laid out across his bed, shoes somehow kicked off. 

You watched him undress, eyes greedily drinking in his rather toned body. You weren't sure what you had been expecting him to look like under his clothes, but this was more than you could have imagined.

Oh, the places your mind would go. 

"You like what you see?" He teased. You giggled, nodding enthusiastically. Diavolo kissed you again, moving on top of your body. 

"I certainly do." You mumbled between his kisses. Gently, he lifted your leg over his shoulder and situated himself between your thighs. He pressed the tip of his dick against your pussy, rubbing the exposed slit slowly.

"Do you remember what you said at dinner? About that pipe tobacco?" He asked breathlessly.

"Yes?" You replied in confusion.

"I guess you could say I have the Prince Albert and you've got the Can." He said with a chuckle. You let out a cackle.

"Please don't call my vagina a can!" You laughed in spite of yourself. He kissed you again with a grin.

"Ready?" He asked, patiently. You exhaled quietly and nod.

"I'm ready." You mumbled. 

Diavolo gently moved your other leg around his waist and began to slowly slide inside of you. The sensation was strange, but not bad and it pulled a moan from your lips. The ring rubbed against your insides in fantastically unimaginable ways. The silver was cool inside your hot sex and it drove you wild. 

His nails dug into your thigh as he slid in and out of you, his panting filled your ears. Your own moaning was just as loud. A part of you was glad that there wasn't anyone in the castle to hear, but another part of you _wanted_ someone to hear, to know you belonged to Diavolo. His hips snapped against yours as he began to move faster, pushing in deeper. 

"Diavolo!" You whined, tugging him closer.

"Say it louder!"

" **Diavolo**!" You shouted, hips jutting upwards to meet his thrusts. 

"Y/N!" He groaned. "You're so tight!" Despite his quick pace, he was being as gentle as he could. 

Soon, he moved your leg off his shoulder and laid on top of your body, his thrusts jolting your body up towards the headboard. His lips go to your neck again, leaving several more love bites as he went. Your fingers tugged at his hair, moans escaping your mouth at a faster pace. 

The only protests came from the squealing bed beneath you, but you doubted that would be enough to stop either of you. The bed could fall apart beneath you and you wouldn't care. 

You could feel a knot tightening in your stomach though, signalling that your orgasm was coming.

"I'm so close, don't stop!" You plead, pushing yourself as close to him as you could get, desperate for the hot friction.

"Where?" Was all he could manage, but you understood what his query was.

"Inside." You whispered, gently nipping at his ear. 

This seemed to get him riled up, as his pace quickened. You squeezed your thighs together, locking both of you in a steady rhythm until your walls clenched tight around him. You cried out loudly, your back arching off the bed. 

He let out a groan, kissing you hungrily as his pace continued. Diavolo was probably pretty close too. 

"I'm cumming!" He warned breathlessly. Suddenly you were filled with cum, its warmth starting to trickle down onto the sheets beneath you.

For a moment, you were both silently, your soft panting the only noise in the room. He kissed you once he regained his breath, his fingers running through your hair affectionately.

"Guess I should wear Asmodeus' clothes more often then." You teased as he slid out of you and laid down beside you.

"Perhaps." He smiled for a minute, before pulling you close. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" He asked.

"Not in any way I didn't like." You answered with a blush. You would probably be sore in the morning, but you didn't care. You nuzzled close to Diavolo, nestling your body against his comfortably. He kissed your forehead and gently rubbed your back.

"I'm glad. I've never been with a human before and I worried I would be . . . Too forceful with you." He was clearly quite relieved. 

"I'm fine." You assured him with a smile. 

The dawn peeked through the curtains dimly. The day was only marginally brighter than night in the Devildom, but it still meant you had to get up. The second you moved, however, Diavolo was stirring.

"Y/N?" He asked sleepily.

"I have to go. Lucifer will be suspicious if I don't make an appearance at breakfast." You said, gently pressing a hand to his cheek.

"I suppose you're right. I want to see you again, though. If you'd be interested?" He seemed to be trying not to show how eager he was. 

"How could I say no?" You smiled and he pressed a kiss to your knuckles.

"I'll send Barbatos to collect you when you're available." He said, before finally releasing you. 

You slowly shuffled back to the House of Lamentation, hips swinging slightly with that satisfied pulsing pain. 

You tried to creep inside quietly, without waking anyone up, but it seemed someone was waiting for you. 

"My, my, Y/N. I never expected this from you."

That was the second time you'd heard that in ten hours. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Asmo." You teased as he followed you to your room. His small fingers began to massage your shoulders.

"Now, don't be coy. I am the Avatar of Lust, after all."

"That is true." You chuckled.

"You know, I've been trying to get Barbatos to let loose for ages, yet all it takes is to get you into the Demon Lord's castle in a skimpy dress. 

"Asmo, I didn't. . ." You trailed off. 

"You dirty bitch! You fucked Lord Diavolo himself." He seemed to be absolutely bursting with pride.

"Keep your voice down!" You admonished him with a blush. "How did you figure it out, anyway?" You asked.

"I could sense your satisfaction the moment you walked in." He smirked, glancing at you in the mirror. "Also, there's dried semen on the inside of your thigh."

You let out a loud squeal and woke the entire house.


End file.
